Ep 101- SCREW YOU! BLOKEMON!
Announcer: The sun
is shining in Gallet Town, where new blokemon trainer Billy Bournit
is setting off on his blokemon journy. Blah blah blah. This
sucks.
Billy: No way you
gawd damned announcer...this kicks ass!.. I'm 10 and now I can become
a BLOKéMON master! *leaves his house*
Billy's Mom: Don't
forget a hearty breakfasst!
Billy: Screw you,
mom! *waves his goodbyes*
*Billy walks over
ot Prof Dogwood's house*
Billy: *knocks on
the door*
*Dogwood's
assistant pulls up a piece of the door and leans out*
Billy: I'm here
for a blok-
Dogwood's Aide:
Screw you son.
Billy: LET ME THE
#%@# IN!
Dogwood's Aide: Now
that's a horse of a different color.... #$#@%# you. Go away.
*Billy rips off
Dogwood's aide's head, and gently steps inside.
Prof Dogwood: Ah,
Billy, nice to see you again! Here is your rival.. will you name
him?
Billy: Err.. I'll
name him Ass.
Dogwood: Great! Now
Ass's name will be used in many oddball sentences for comic
relief.
Ass: Hey! Don't rub
Ass the wrong way!
Dogwood: See? Now,
choose your starting BLOKéMON.
Billy: Cool!
Hmmm... *picks up blokeball*
Dogwood: Ah, so you
want the grass blokemon, Pompuswhore?
Billy: Ugh, no
thank you... I'll take this one... *picks up blokeball*
Dogwood: The fire
blokemon Fartmander? He lights his terrible gas!
Billy: Nah..
too...gassy... *picks up last blokeball*
Dogwood: Ah, the
water type, Bladdle. Named from his bladder battles!
Billy: Er.. got any
blokemon that don't suck ass?
Dogwood: How about
the electric one, Prickachu?
Billy: Named
prickachu because...?
Dogwood: He's a
prick!
Billy: Cool! I'll
take him!
Prickachu:Priiickaachuu!
Billy: Screw going
in the blokeball, you're not a complete moron.
Ass: Fine! I'm
taking Pompuswhore then, coincedentally because electric sucks
against grass!
Billy: Okay.
*leaves*
Ass: Let's battle
blokemon first!
Billy: No!
Ass: %#$^#@ you!
GO! POMPUSWHORE! *throws blokeball*
Billy: Okay! Go!
Prickachu!
Pompuswhore:
Whoooooreee!
Prickachu:
Priiick!
Billy: Prickachu!
Thunderprick, now!
*prickachu cheap
shots pompuswhore with electricity*
Ass: Pompuswhore!
Smut! Now!
*pompuswhore struts
her stuff*
Prickachu is
bonefied!
Billy:Grr...
Prickachu! Growl now!
Prickachu:
Priiiiiiiiiicckkk...
Prickachu's hurt by
the bone!
Pompuswhore's
defense fell!
Ass: Pompuswhore!
Tail spank!
*pompuswhore
"punishes" the "naughty" prickachu*
Billy: Prickachu!
Use the Prickbolt! Now!
Prickachu:
Priiiickaaachuuuuuuuuu!!
Pompuswhore:
Popo-o-oo-o-o-o-ompu-u-u-uusss!
Prickachu is hurt
by the bone!
Ass: Pompuswhore!
Razor slut, now!
*pompuswhore shoots
out razor sharp over-the-top-cosmetics at prickachu*
*prickachu dodges
them all*
Billy: Prickachu!
Electric prick!
Prickachu:
PRIIIIIIIIIIIC-KAAAAA-CHUUUUU!!
Pompuswhore
fainted!
Billy defeated
Ass!
Ass: Impossible! I
picked the wrong blokemon!
Billy: Loser! $#%@
you! Haha!
Dogwood: Now you
can both name your bloekmon, Billy and ass, the ass who lost!
Ass: Hey! No one
calls Ass an Ass!... I'll call pompuswhore.. Whore!
Dogwood: Great
name!
Billy: I'll keeps
prickachu's name the way it is.. besides.. i named my dog "dog" and
my cat "cat".. why not name prickachu "prickachu"?
Dogwood: Here's
your blokedex and blokeballs... don't fumble with your balls too
much, they may break... now off you go... on your very own blokemon
journys!
Billy: Yup! C'mon
prickachu!
*Billy leaves the
gay town of Gallet*
Billy: So,
prickachu, do you kick ass?
Prickachu: Prick a
chu! { D
Billy: That's
great.
Pudgey:
Puuudge...
Billy: Hey. what's
that fat-ass doing there?
*opens up
blokedex*
Blexter:*robotic
voice* Pudgey, a fat-ass type blokemon. Also known as the Oprah of
the skies. Really pisses me off. Kill it. In the goriest way
possible.
Billy: That was
worthless.... Prickachu! Thunderprick it now!
Prickachu:
PRIIIIIIIICK!!!! *zzzaaap*
Pudgey:
Puuu-uu-u-u-u-udgey! What the hell was that for?! Asshole!
Billy: Huh?
Pudgey: Err..
Puuuudgeeeyyyy! *falls over "weak"*
Billy:Hah! Now I
will capture you, then you will become my personal slave! *throws
blokeball*
*Pudgey breaks
free*
Billy: Dammit! You
suck! *stomps on pudgey*
Pudgey:
PUUUUUD-
Billy:.....?!
Pudgey: .....
*starts to bleed*
Billy Errr... It's
weak! *throws blokeball again*
Pudgey is
caught!
Billy: Kick
ass!
Prickachu:
Prickachu!! *gets bloodlust*
Billy: Hey! There's
another bird blokemon!
Blexter: *robot
voice* Gayrow. A gay bird Blokemon. Uses it's crafty wings to become
a beautition.
Billy: Well,
gayrow, I'm catching you! GO! Pudgey!
*blokemon battle
theme plays*
A wild Gayrow
appeaed!
Pudgey used
nothing, because it is dead!
Billy: Oh no!
Pudgey's not obeying me!
Gayrow used
Angelgust!
Pudgey is dead,
therefore he was unaffected!
Pudgey bled!
Billy: Obey me,
dammit!
Gayrow used peck!
Gayrow admired his pecks.
Gayrow: Ooh! Tho
mahnly!
Pudgey used
nothing, it's still dead.
Billy: GRR! You
suck pudgey! Return! Go! Prickachu!
Prickachu:Priiicka!
Billy: Prickachu!
Quick Backhander!
Prickachu:
*backhands Gayrow*
Gayrow: *shrieks*
*is severely wounded*
*Billy throws
blokeball*
Gayrow: Oh thtop!!!
I'm clouthtrophobiic! *breaks loose*
Billy: Dammit!...
What the hell, that thing's weak as hell anyways. *moves on*
Gayrow: Oh! Come
back! I'm lonely!
Billy: Shut up!
You're not s'possed to be talkin' anyways!
Gayrow: Gay!
Gayrow! Row!
*Billy finds
himself in Varigian City*
Billy: Cool!
Announcer: Billy
learned alot today. He learned that gayrows suck, and so does Ass.
But Prickachu is one kick ass blokemon. But he has no clue why
Pudgey doesn't obey him.. perhaps we'll find out next time... this
was just the first step of Billy's Blokemon journy, and already, it's
unfolded a tiny bit and-
Billy: Gawd,
dammit! Just get the hell on with it!
Announcer: Now he
needs to get his way to the blokemon center, to heal his wounded
Prikachu...
Prickachu:
Prickachu.
Billy: But
Prickachu's fine.
*lightning hits a
tree that snaps and lands on prickachu*
Billy: F#$%.
Prickachu:Chuu...
*tries to stop the access blood draining from his skull*
Billy: Don't worry
prickachu.. next time we'll get you outta there... and save you...
next time...
Prickachu: *starts
to get woozy* Chuu-uu-uu-u-uu-ooouuuu... *passes out*
*screen splits into
one fourth and "to be continued" appears*
Billy: $#%#in' go
away, the Blokerap sucks!
